Do you know what your divorce attitude is – or have you even thought about the concept?
We all have attitudes – some better than others, some change more frequently than others – but they are our daily companions. We also have attitudes that we subconsciously assign to certain situations, life’s events, work, “people”, etc. Given that divorce is such a defining life-event and it comes with so many emotions there is no question that you have an attitude toward this piece of your life – that seems to take over your life.
From the time we are young we have heard others tell us all the benefits of having a positive attitude. Well, divorce is no different, but am I trying to tell you to be positive, happy and at peace with your divorce? No! I am telling you the importance of checking your attitude during this time. You should allow yourself to experience every feeling you have – the anger, frustration and hurt…they are all key to your grieving and healing process.
However, attitudes have everything to do with how we experience life, both in adversity and in joyous times. Positive attitudes are empowering and help us focus on the blessings of each day (even in the midst of the trials). I am not talking about pretending to be happy or upbeat all the time. I am talking about a mindfulness that derives from realizing our blessings even in the midst of our sadness, pain and loss.
Today, think about your divorce attitude by asking yourself:
- Is my divorce situation affecting my relationship with others?
- How much time (literally minutes, hours…) am I spending each day focusing on the divorce?
- Do I still see the good in others, in myself and in life in spite of feeling the pain and hurt I have been dealt?
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.” by Chuck Swindoll – You may want to consider reading his great book, “Great Attitudes!: 10 Choices for Success in Life or check out his amazing resources at www.insight.org.
Attitudes arise from the perceptions we carry about life and living, which is why it is imperative for you to be aware of your perceptions and conclusions about your divorce experience. Your ex-spouse doesn’t get to control our attitude – only you do.
Your attitude is a gift you give yourself each day. Go ahead, unwrap a beautiful one for today!
Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellsprings of life.”